Without Wings
by LeaveMeBleeding
Summary: XelZel songfic to Voltaire Feathery Wings kind of sad a little yaoi but not much please R


"Xellos?" Zelgadis Greywords asked walking up to the figure looking over the edge of a large unstable bridge. "hi Zelgadis." The man named Xellos turned to look at Zelgadis walking towords him looking slightly unsure. "What are you doing out here?" Zelgadis asked stepping up to Xellos curiously. "Nothing." He stated not having enough energy to make jokes through his pain. "Whats wrong." Zelgadis asked although it was more of a statment then a question. Xellos remained slient and looked down at the river pondering his life as he had been prior to Zelgadis's appearance. He looked uncomfortable in Xellos' silence but continued interogating him nonetheless "You weren't going to do anything stupid were you?" Xellos looked over at him opening his eyes to glare at Zelgadis "Just because you wish I wasn't here anymore doesn't mean I would go and disappear." He felt tears begining to build up in his eyes and closed them quickly. "Xellos I didn't come out here to make you angry I came to give you this, he held out a small unsigned envelope with an intricate wax seal. "wh..what is it?" Xellos asked feeling confused. "just read it." Zelgadis said setting it on the railing of the bridge. "Zel..." Xellos started as Zel turned and walked walked away.

You, there on the bridge

where have you been, whats your name?

and you, there you on the wall

where will you go to once you fall?

you, lost at sea

do you need me, do you need directions?

hey, put down the gun

what are you thinking?

you were someone's sun

He sighed quietly and picked up the envelope tracing the seal with his fingers. He carefully broke the seal sliding a small scrap of paper from the opening. What could it possibly be how could it have been important enough for Zelgadis to come out here to give it to him. He breathed deeply and unfolded the paper admiring Zelgadis's neat cursive handwriting. All I can do now is read it He though starting to read the letter. _ Xellos, I realize that this means very little to you but I have to say it before it's to late. Lately I have seen you in pain I have never seen that emotion in you before but its clearly there. I decided that even to a monster the word "love" has meaning and I think that you need to hear it even if you can't return such feelings. Don't mock or ridicule me for saying what I have or what I will in days to come. Believe what you wish of me but no matter what you think I feel I really do care._

_Zelgadis Greywords_

Xellos looked at the letter in shock. If he had cared then why hadn't he said so sooner. He folded the letter back up and placed inside the envelope, Had his pain been so obvious. Zelgadis saw through his feeble attempts to hide his hurt. It wore on him greatly being what he was he didn't want to be this anymore he wanted to feel like life was good and like he could show people how he truly felt.

the taste of tears

the sting of pain

the smell of fear

the sounds of crying

He put the envelope in his pocket and turned back to the river below. Who was he anyway, had he ever been able to smile and laugh with the people he cared for, had he ever been able to care for people, why couldn't he remember. He opened his eyes and let a single tear trickle down his cheek reaching up and tracing the warm damp line it had left on his skin. He knew how to cry and he knew how to hurt but nothing more. Would he ever have a place to go home to.

a long, long time ago i fell to this place

from another dimesnion

and thrust amongst the beasts

and they way they behave borders on dementia

now through all these years

i can barely take it

i don't think i can make it

take me away from here

I want to go home

He wanted to find Zelgadis he wanted to talk about what he had written in that letter but he didn't want to be seen in this condition. Even if he did go talk to Zelgadis how could he ever understand the weight that a thousand years of pain had put on him, how could anyone ever understand what he wanted more than anything. "I want to go home" he muttered his voice crackeing from tears. "then go." Zelgadis said resting his hand on Xellos' shoulder. Xellos jumped in surprise at Zelgadis's reappearance but responded in the strongest voice he could muster "I don't have a home to go to, I don't have anyone to go home to not anymore." Zelgadis gasped a little in shock at how hurt the maoku sounded, and turned him so that they were facing, "I didn't know I'm sorry." Xellos opened his eyes and looked sadly at Zelgadis "I didn't expect you to and I won't expect you to understand what I feel right now." Zelgadis looked into Xellos' eyes and for the first time saw a tremendous sadness behind them "Xellos we won't know weather or not I understand unless you tell me." Xellos rested his head on Zelgadis's chest seeking comfort as he voiced his hurt "I never wanted to be like this I never wanted to enjoy other peoples sadness I didn't ask to be what I am."

i'm so sick and tired of the

the taste of tears

the sting of pain

the smell of fear

the sounds of crying

as you standing at the edge of your life

what do you remember?

was it all you wanted?

Zelgadis rested his hand on the back of the mazokus head feeling unexplainably worried about him and not being able to find the words to reply to what he had just said. Xellos could feel tears starting to run down his face but continued to entrust Zelgadis with his pain "will I ever be happy in a world were people back away from fear that I will hurt them for fun." Zelgadis could feel Xellos's tears soaking through his shirt and replied in a sad voice, "Xellos if you truly were everything that you call yourself you wouldn't be doing what you are right now you are at least human enough to feel pain for yourself and thats a good way to begin being what you want to be." Xellos lifted his head and looked at Zelgadis "If I knew how to be more than a monster I would but even after a thousand years I haven't learned anything."

I'm trying to earn a set of feathery wings

i wish i could protect you here

oh, please don't cry

now smile as you're standing

at the edge of your life

your troubles are over

mine are just beginning

I'm trying to earn a set of feathery wings

to take me away from here

its me you leave behind

Zelgadis threw all of his nervousness away and kissed the mazoku lightly on the lips pulling away quickly and whispering "I understand better than you think and I think that we need eachother more than ever now." Xellos shivered a little as Zelgadis lips brushed his he closed his eyes and replied cautiously "If only I could take back so many years, so many mistakes then maybe I could end who I am now but I don't know how to change the past no one does."

if only i could have been there

i'd be a hand for the sinking

if only i could have been there

i'd be a prayer for the dying

see the pain etched in my face

Zelgadis placed his hand over the mazokus cheek wiping away stray tears with his thumb "you can be whoever you want when your around me I can promise you that much." Xellos rested his hand over Zelgadis's and quietly replied "but there is nothing I can do to stop the feelings that support my life."

i'm so sick and tired of

the taste of tears

the sting of pain

the smell of fear

the sounds of crying

as you're standing at the edge of your life

what do you remember was it all you wanted

"just because you can't change those emotions doesn't mean you can't feel new ones." Zelgadis said pressing his lips against Xellos's as emphasis on what he said. Xellos kissed back gently for a second then pulled back "I want fly away from my life but you can't get anywhere without wings." Zelgadis pulled Xellos into a warm embrace and whispered softly "then find the wings you wish for."

I'm trying to earn a set of feathery wings

i wish i could protect you here

oh, please don't cry

now smile as you're standing

at the edge of your life

your troubles are over

mine are just beginning

Xellos returned the hug and and mumbled almost inaudibly "one thing is true I can care." Zelgadis grinned as the mazokus arms wrapped around him "I know and I will help you find your wings I will help you fly away if you take me with you." Xellos felt slightly better and said "I promise I'll take you we can both escape this life we believed we were tied to for so long.

I'm trying to earn a set of feathery wings

to take me away from here

its me you leave

you're gone from here

don't leave from here

don't leave me here

I hate it here

you're gone from here

don't leave me here

I need you here

I need to see you smile

Zelgadis let go of Xellos and stepped away "I'm not going to leave without you I will be here no matter what." Xellos realized that night had set in and a pale cresent moon lit the sky " one day we will escape but for now we have to live right." Zelgadis grinned and said "well what now." Xellos grinned mischeviously and waggled his index finger, "Now that...is a secret." Zelgadis laughed and said "glad your back to normal but I'm going to bed now." "Goodnight Zelgadis and once again thank you we've got a big task ahead of us now." at his last words he phased out leaving Zelgadis on the bridge. He smiled and waled back towards the inn realizing that for once he had done the right thing.


End file.
